I went into this movie expecting
a bad movie, all the reviews said so. And yet, the bland looking trailer passive
aggressively insisted that this would be innocuous mediocrity, at worst. Sadly,
I failed to appreciate how bad this film was really going to be. I assume that
it was due to a mixture of, hoping against hope that Paul Bettany finally gets
a good live action movie where he is more than a voice and the thought that Pfister had picked up a
thing or two from Nolan. I can hear you laughing at me know and it’s okay, I
deserve it. Simply put the film is a series of panoramic vista shots with a
thesaurus reading for dialogue. All the while, the filmmakers painstakingly
remind you of all the better films this movie is influenced by.
Transcendence is a film about
great ideas. It’s about one couples (the Casters, played by Johnny Depp and
Rebecca Hall) desire to create a better world. The movie is also about one
psycho Luddite group’s hate for social media (led by a blonde Kate Mara who
seems upset that she couldn’t get a role in Interstellar). This group, called
RIFT (cuz everyone loves abbreviations that take a minute to go through), wants
us to know that they are on the bleeding edge of the science/morality debate,
by quoting fears from the 70s. It really made me think, was it too late to get
a refund? Anyways, when these two groups collide, it’s bland and unexciting and
Will Caster has his brain uploaded into a computer. It’s all very reminiscent
of Lawnmower Man but nowhere near as fun and it’s upsettingly Pierce Brosnan
free. What follows is a whole dictionary’s fill of pseudo-techno babble and
quasi-philosophical bullshit that makes one squirm and fidget like a pregnant
woman having contractions. Sadly, there is no bundle of joy at the end, merely
a lingering foulness, as if Johnny Depp had just wiped his sweaty underwear on
your tongue and expected you to thank him for it.
The biggest problem with the film
seems to be an identity crisis. No one involved with the film seems to know
what they want it to be. Is it a serious, hard science love story, like a
realistic Her? Is it a hard science disaster film, in the vein of Soderbergh’s
Contagion? Is it an action thriller? It’s all of these things really, but it
never once does any of these things well. It jumps back and forth between the
settings and characters, all of whom have a different thematic tone. It’s very
jarring and does not allow for any of the themes or characters to have an anchor
to the feels section of your heart and mind. Whenever an emotional investment
does begin to form between the audience and the character, there is a seismic
tonal shift that hits restart on any connection you may have formed. All the
while you will be left shuddering at how all these aspects are reminiscent of
other, better films. The other odd thing is that, much of this, could’ve been
mitigated with a clear cut villain, but we never really get one. The film jumps
back and forth, trying to decide who’s the real villain, like the asshole at
Tim Horton’s who can’t decide between the apple fritter or cruller (just take
the cruller, everyone always takes the cruller).
It doesn’t help that the script
is a shoddy mess of clichéd writing and tensionless suspense scenes. Take the scenes involving the Casters, they
all sound like they were written by a highschooler with a thesaurus. They croon
and pang with heartbreak as their lips sing about quantum processing and monkey
brains. There is no passion in the words and the actors don’t even try to pretend
there is chemistry the two of them. They’re like two breadsticks put side by
side and ordered to make out. Will Caster himself is probably the worst
character in the film. As an audience member, you’re supposed to question his
motives, you’re supposed to question whether he really is Will or if he’s a
machine gone rogue (I think they were trying to create a Hal 9000 for hipsters).
This could’ve been a cool mystery had it been done right. Sadly, there is no
tension since every suspect action is followed by an overwhelmingly altruistic
one. Even his suspect actions are never all that dastardly or menacing to begin
with (it’s like they were trying to make Will Caster Jesus, but Mary Magdeline
is the Judas). Will’s progression as a potentially psychotic AI is ridiculously
inferior to Jobe’s in Lawnmower Man.
The rest of the characters kind
of just mull about as the story renders them neutered, left with their hands in
their pockets, kicking dirt while they wait for something to happen. They watch
and wait as things get better and better throughout the world. There is
literally nothing bad or sinister conveyed in this period. As they mull about,
they contemplate their actions and attack peaceful hybrids. Watching the luddites
and FBI I kept asking myself, how are the filmmakers expecting me too root for
these guys? They spend most of their time being sinister and shooting healed
cripples, how did anyone think these are people anyone but Ed Bundy would root
for? They have the education of a freshman philosophy student and try to kill
that which they don’t understand. The film actively tries to make the audience
root for the uneducated villains with no good justification. The cast seems to
have figured this out and is evidently confused as they play their roles,
evident by the strange glares they give one another after their lines.
The cast itself is remarkably
wasted. We’re told that Mrs. Caster is this genius, but all we see is a
stereotypical wife who seemingly has a growing alcohol addiction. Rebecca Hall
does her best, whimpering face, forced tears, the whole package, sadly she’s
got nothing to work with. All the shots of her in the lab, longing for her
husband are wasted as soon as she opens her mouth and reads those neutering
lines. All the fawning is forced and draining. Hell, hire Kristen Stewart, at
least that way you won’t be damaging a serious actress’ career. Oddly enough,
while her character is more poorly written, it doesn’t make me hate her as an
actress, Depp on the other hand.
This film makes me outright hate
Depp as an actor. He does not exude self-confidence or naiveté in his role.
Instead we get a kind of smugness, one that comes from an actor who has yet to
realize that he has become a joke. He
has this sort of vacant stare and bland delivery, almost as if he thinks
scientists have all the emotional output of Robbie the Robot. Whereas Hall is
let down by the script even as she tries to make sense and quality of it, Depp
tries his best make each line as flat as possible. He really should go do a
film with someone who won’t pandered to his celebrity, maybe then well get a
real performance from him again.
The last of the big three is Paul
Bettany. Usual Paul Bettany does the supporting role in good films and stars in
terrible shit. This time around he is left mulling about, looking lost. He is
supposed to be the down to earth, “let’s think of what could go wrong”
character in the trio. This only comes into play when he is against the AI. The
script derides and lampoons this character at every turn and yet Bettany takes
the abuse and pushes forward. It’s like he is the only one in the cast who saw
the potential and was thus blinded to the rotting carcass that was his role. He
does that whole, British best friend who is not as hyper intelligent as the
lead thing, with a lot of conviction. Really, Bettany does deserve a clap since
he wades through the shit-monsoon of lines and the pendulum of emotions and
conflicts his character is put through and still manages to be the only
character you can really connect with.
The rest of the cast is kind of
just, there, waiting for something to happen. Kate Mara plays the crazy
terrorist, she channels her sister Rooney’s performance in Girl With the Dragon
Tattoo. It’s a lot of brooding and ridiculous assertions that are never really
fleshed out. Cillian Murphy is
criminally wasted, confined to the role of FBI guy, with no room to actually
give his performance any life. Lastly, Morgan Freeman, plays Morgan Freeman,
minus the charm and wit we have come to expect from him.
Sure the acting and story are
shit, but what of the look of the film, this is a Wally ‘Nolan’s protégé’
Pfister film we’re talking about. Sure it’s well shot, filled with eye catching
vistas and slow motion shots worthy of an Imax commercial. Sadly, none of it is
fresh or original. We’ve seen it done and we’ve seen it done better before, by
Pfister himself. In many cases the vista
shots are out of place and are crudely jammed into the narrative, further
clogging the pacing up. For whatever reason, Pfister seems to use the same
vista shots over and over again even though they have no particular importance
to the grand narrative or any of the characters in particular.
Last time I posted a review, I
said that I had wished for the Robocop remake to be a trainwreck, at least that
way the film would have been memorable. This film is that trainwreck I had
hoped for. Filled with grand ideas, a terrific cast and a director who has
spent as decade learning from one of Hollywood’s best. Every single thing about
this movie fails, spectacularily. The plot is muddled, dull and childish, more
concerned with sounding smart, than connecting with the audience. The acting is
lost between shoddy direction and an overreaching but, underachieving script.
The direction is more concerned with having sweeping vista worthy of an Imax
commercial than providing the audience with something worth watching. Mix that
with a pompous actor who has finally stripped away all his credit and dived
head first into confused absurdity and you have your first true trainwreck of
the year. Save your money, save your time, go watch Lawnmower Man instead, at
least Pierce Brosnan won’t let you down.
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